..Spy. HOW MANY OF THESE FUCKERS DOES HE HAVE? The real Malevolent is behind you, with his entrails hanging out.

I promptly hit the real Malevolent's nose, grab his head and rip it off.

Ring ring. A noise is heard behind you, followed by a dull ache in your head. You wake up in the closet, with no tounge, or nose, in the same situation as before.

_{This is getting annoying}

I manage to swallow my cyanide pill, and respawn in the food court.
I grab a set of stake knives and start slashing through the horde of fighters in the corridor.

Dangit...wait...did I get killed?

I recover from the blow to my head, dodge roll out of the car, and fire at it. Then I made my way to the horde of fighters Ren's slashing and fire there, but miss, and hit the hot water pipe above. Then I screamed as I tried to run away from the scalding hot tidal wave, then duck into the ice cream shop and seal the door, watching as people get sucked away to the other side.

The hot water floods the corridor, splitting the mob in half. I manage to enter the pharmacy, use a medkit to heal my burn wounds, then pick up some scalpels to use as weapons. Remembering I left Jed and Sir hanging from a railing, I head there to finish the job.

On my way, however, I make a little stop at the hardware store.

I go and explore the ice cream shop, and find...

"Oh. What's this?"

THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM that someone was hiding!

...which I quickly put in my pack and continue exploring.

Number's pack explodes, taking away all his good weaponry. Yay for hidden bombs placed by pricks you can't see because they're hiding in a safe!

As Ren3004 breaks Malevolent's neck, I break his. Then I walk out, and go to the pets aisle. I then take a weasel and drop it down sam g's shirt.

Aw man! You know how much I had to type to make just one gun?

Anyway, yeah, I saw that coming. Right before I heard the final beep, I threw my pack off and into the clothing section, where it explodes. Then I set off to make another cocktail launcher...

A small gun that fires balls of cotton appears infront of Number, along with several cotton balls.

"...huh?"

I finally launch myself from my hiding place for everyone had thought they had landed on me when in fact they were a pair of pillows and my broken bionics from before cleverly disguised, unfortunately I get confused between Stranger's sicle and the REAL CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICECREAM and run towards him and bite the sickle. Then finding my mouth bleeding I ring my attorney and Lawyer and sew Stranger for damages. However by now I realise where the real icecream is and then precede to elaborately disembowel Stranger and then gather up the liquid remains of the LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICECREAM and rush to the nearby 10+ year old's science set store where I can apply a easily accessible and user friendly condensation and evaporation experiment set to rebuild the LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM.

"Wow, where have i been this entire time?" i say, waking up in a bed in another store.
Did i die? How'd i get here? i get up and grab the Lancer i had, and ran out the store.

Me+Jed are handcuffed to the wal, and his half starts to turn green.

he breaks free of the chains, and I hop (that's all you can do with half a body!) to the science store to find dome stuff to blow people up with, as I have no idea where THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM is.

Sir Bryghtside runs over to the sporting section to murder Azraellod, but before he reaches him I run him over with a train... But a stealthy one...

Luckily, the hulk Jedamethis half of us hits the train, sending it flying into the sports section, crushing Azraellod and Paraptor.

I continue hopping to the science lab.

After a lengthy procedure I am able to resusitate THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICECREAM, however before I can take a bite a stealthy train comes out of nowhere, mysteriously fixed, and pararaptor leans down and grabs it, moving off into the distance. I then Jump atop the train and begin to walk down its skeletal and metallic backside, with the wind slapping my cheeks, ready to do battle for my prize once more.

I finally manage to hop into the science department, and see claymorez riding a train and fighting Paraptor for THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM, but claymorez has foolishly left it unguarded on a table.

I slip some hydrochloric acid onto THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM, which doesn't dissolve it, but it means that the next person who takes a bite out of it will dissolve into a skeleton.

I then take a pack of jelly babies, and hop away hastily before Jed's half gets over-excited and lands me in the fight.

Sadly, that's what he does.

*Cue pokemon battle music*

Finally I am able to kick Para off the train and I make a lunge for THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM.

Para lands on me, and we end up fighting.

I attatch my Sam/Mr. Sniffles thing to my foot and do a flying kick to the face.

I grab your foot mid-air & break it off, using the snapped bone shards to gouge out your eyes.

Unluckily for Paraptor, Jed is still in Hulk mode, so smashes Para straight into the acids section, dissolving him completely before he can gouge out my eyes. We turn then to clay, and watch as he also seems to be dissolving too.

I steal an obscure in-joke & use the power of editing.

*appears in Myers*

I release a cage full of Raptors on to SirBryghtside.

Now whilst both sirbrightside and pararaptor are distracted I make another go at THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM, using my God powers to manifest myself with my old pair of legs and then run towards it, and enroute I throw a potion in the opposite direction , calling to jed/sirbrightside claiming its the cure.

With my Raptors tearing SirBryghtside to pieces I dash into the bottle shop & break no less than twelve wine bottles over claymorez's head.
Fuck THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICECREAM, I have Raptors! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!

I respawn in the historic farming section, and pick up a scythe. ^{It's a good thing that rather then a conventional weapon, it's a type of farming equipment. Well, good for me anyway.}

I run out, and head for Pararaptor. I bury the blade into his spine.

Good thing I can't feel it!
_{Or is that a bad thing?}

I kick Azraellod in the balls so hard it drives his pelvis up into his ribcage, splintering his ribs out his sides & his inner workings out his mouth.
I then eat the body.

I find a wooden baseball bat, stick a bunch of razor blades in it and find a metal trash can lid for a shield, uncreative but effective. Thusly armed, I go hunting.

While Ristoril is smashing in sam g's teeth, I stealth up behind him & corkscrew the fucker!

^{Huh? I'm standing behind you. That's how I hit your spine.}

The Pararaptor apparently assumed he could kick with a scythe in his back. out of the delirium caused by the scythe in the back thing.

I bury the blade into Pararaptor's head this time. He crumples to the floor, dead, and I leave to find someone else to kill. Oh, I leave the scythe there, because I'm bored of it now.

I rise up out of my death & pull the scythe out of my head. While Azraellod is busying himself with the meat section, I sneak up behind him & sickle the fucker!

^{Look, I'm trying to make a point. We're supposed to be humans here, so we die easily, as humans do.}

I respawn in the food section. I collect several canned drinks, and then run to the DIY section. I put them in the paint shaking device, and wait 10 minutes.

After waiting, I grab the cans and encounter someone. Without bothering to check who it is, I throw a can at them and watch it explode.

_{Said the floating cat head.
I understand that we're humans, but there's nothing stopping us coming back after we die. You yourself are respawning, is that really any different from coming back from the dead?}

I open the Mall doors & let the zombies flood in, killing everyone in the Mall. Except me because I'm special.

I ward off the Zombies using my Godly powers, after picking out the last of the glass from my head, to manifest a few hundred light saber based weaponry for everyone (for even I cant look after myself against such a hoard) and I lose sight of THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM beneath the rabble, so it becomes an epic rugby scum/fight resident evil style!