walking across the mall i noticed Pm looking outside a window of some office

"hello good sir, u would happen to know were the exit here is do you? ill be glad to reward you with a empty keg" ^^

has no idea whats about to happen next...

*splosion from inside office* ok so molotovs on a unicycle was a bad idea!
....hey mr.bean! uhh... in the basement there's kind of an exit but i dunno if you'll like it

"not like the exit?..." gets confuse as to why that would be

"well as long as its an exit ill take it, its not like im gonna get kill or anything ^^,"

slowly heads towards the basement, still clueless about whats going on

heh that guys soooo screwed *grenade falls out of cabinet* oh poopy

explosion "what the hell was that!?!"

"i gotta get the hell out of here" starts running trying to look for the basement T^T

*lifts a thumbs up* I'm *cough*ok..

"Will you stop with the explosions?!" I yell, helping EMB up. I then point at the guy running towards the basement.

"Hey, how 'bout we totally betray that guy, and turn this into a good ole fashioned, redneck- style manhunt?!" I ask him

sounds like good idea! just

NO BANJOS!

then suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, WG bursts thhrough the front door of the mall and shouts for all to hear: "briiiinnngg iiittt oooonnnn!!!" as he breaks into the nearest spensers and grabs a box full of silly string and runs sprays it all over a close by albocrombie and finch.

*throws a hammer and sickle at wolf* i loves me some irony but i have to admit messing up ambercrombie and fitch was kinda cool

after hours of searching "finally the basement"

opens door , sees a blazing gate of death "meep O.O"

closes door behind self "he was right..."

goes to a hardware store to get wood and nails to seal the basement shut

Suddenly i bust through a wall with a classic pickup truck. I skid to a halt in front of .EMB.

"Well, what you waitin for?! get on in!" I say with a fake country accent.

"YEEEE-YAWWWW!! Let's find that damn Yankee!" EMB says, jumping on the cab bed, playing along with my shtick.

I press down hard on the gas, and our search for the toga-wearing scoundrel begins.

The rats are dead, but then we see something worse. Goblins. Thousands of them.

"RUN, I'll hold them off!", I say.

"Ren, no." says Sir.

"Just go!"

"If you die in Oblivion, you die in real life."

"Then go, there's no reason we should both die."

"We can outrun them, there's an exit right here."

I follow Sir a little further down the tunnel until we find a ladder. The goblins are right below us, screaming. When Sir opens the hatch that leads to the outside of the sewer, I grab him and say

"Sir?"

"What now?"

"You should have left me behind."

Sir looks horrified at me, realization showing across his face. He tries to struggle, but I throw him down, leaving his fate on the hands of the goblin horde. Then I climb up, get out of the sewer and close the hatch.

I run away from the goblins as fast as I can, until I see a door to some shrine called 'Ihinipalit'

I don't have much of a choice, so I rush in and barricade the door.

When inside, I calm down, and look around.

I hear a strange, disembodied voice calling my name, and it says that he wants me to go to 'Ald Redaynia' and recover a fork from some dude, then use it to kill some giant netch.

I get bored of this, so I stab the disembodied voice, only to be transported to the top of the Shivering Isles. Luckily, I had grabbed an amulet of slowfall from some dead guy, and gradually went down to Ald Redaynia, where I find the dude, assassinate him, take his fork, and kill the netch. I then return to the dude's house, and take his string vest of teleportation.

I'm not sure what it does, so I take all of my clothes off and put it on, whereupon I am transported back to the shrine, where the goblins have finally burst into.

So, armed with a fork of horripilation, and only wearing a string vest, I slaughter every one of the goblins.

EVERY ONE.

"Hey, Ren." I say, stepping out from behind a tree.
"What?"
"I killed you," I say, firing a staple into his eye socket and rupturing his brain.

Suddenly a door burst open in front of sam g, with me fully recovered "Guess what? I found a healing potion! Anyway..SAY HALLO TO MAH LIL FRIEND!!" As sam gets riddled with blaster fire.

Ob;ivious to the slaughtering that's happening above the sewers, I clamber out, and notice cougar attacking sam, and Ren's body.

I decide not to help any of them, as they have all tried to kill me on multiple occasions, Ren being the most recent, so I take my string vest off (blinding sam and cougar), and put it back on again, teleporting me to a random place in the map.

Which happens to be in the middle of a lake. Since Sir doesn't have any underwater breathing effects active, he drowns to death.

I stop, sam's scorched body falling to the floor wondering WTF was that?! Looked like Sir in a string vest! I'll go find him and ask him what the heck he just did. Or kill him, one of the two.

Finally snapping out his confusion, Quad heads to the Security office in hopes they have a 'Lost and Found' so he can claim some free stuff

I respawn back in the basement of the mall. Seizing this opportunity, I block the oblivion gate, trapping Sir, sam, and Cougar on the other side.

REN YOU BASTARD!!! I smack against the gate in vain, and realise i'm trapped. That bitch.

I head to the hardware store, and start building my ULTIMATE WEAPON OF DOOM.

Still walking to the Lost and Found, I past the Hardware store and see Ren building some sort of ultimate weapon of doom. I try not to make eye contact and keep on walking

* keeps building*

Well, the frame seems to be done. Now I just need one more item.

*drum roll*

Cheese...

I materealise in the main entrance of the mall, with the remaining power of my Clone teleporter, with sam and sir over my shoulders, knocked out. Heck, I couldn't leave them there! I find a hidden place were they will be safe till they wake up, then run off. Yay a good deed in this godforsaken place.

I'm back in the hardware store and introduce the cheese in my ULTIMATE WEAPON OF DOOM.

My hands shaking, I press the button. The floor rumbles as the machine comes to life. I try to point it at the people outside, but realize that the weapon is moving on its own.

"My god!"

The UWOD shoots the ceiling, blowing it up with a blast of cheese. Then the weapon manages to come out of the store and starts shooting everyone around .

"Well, this is why I installed a failsafe." I press the self-destruct button, and year an explosion from behind the counter.

"Oops. Forgot to put the bomb."

I wake up, after being unconcious, and breathe.

I strain to see, and find myself in the wreckage of a pirate ship. The corpses are newly assassinated, with distinctive fork marks.

It seems I can sleep-assassinate. Awesome!

I scramble out, only to be attacked by a horde of cliff racers, but luckily I posess a 'calm creature' spell, which lets me fly on one of the cliff racers.

TO CYRODIL!

This is the official ULTIMATE WEAPON battle song
"Bryghtside, get up." I say, awakening and slapping Bryghtside lightly on the side of the face.
"What?"
"That." I say, pointing at what will undoubtedly be this saga's final boss.

*wolf respawns inside a silly strung ambocrombie n' finch* "what happend?" he sees a coke machine in a hallway- uses coke machine to make SUPR AW3SM3 COKE MNSTR RB0T!!1! (with LAZR attachments* and sets it free to reak havok upon the mall "muahahahaha!!!"

The ULTIMATE WEAPON OF DOOM keeps trashing the mall. I go after it, trying to hit it with rubble, but it's not working. I big drop of cheese falls from the ceiling, pinning me to the floor.

uses his communist avatar powes and takes over the nearest bahrooms, and the colony of rabbid squirrels who live there, and creating an army of rabbid squirells to do his bidding.

[quote="sam g" post="362.150020.3721259"]This is the official ULTIMATE WEAPON battle song

WROOOONG!!
This is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a4ZHm0PLJg

sam g:
This is the official ULTIMATE WEAPON battle song

there fixed. see higher post.

I plant a controlled charge on one of the UWOD's stands, blowing it and making it fall on its side.