I respawn back in the Forge World store, and grab another jetbike, but this time grab a Striking Scorpion's Chainsword, and race towards ren at high speed.

However, he is holding his lancer right in front of the engine, so I have to think fast before my jetbike blows up again, so I polevault with my Biting Blade, hold on to the rectangular light while the jetbike explodes, Ren diving away, land on the ground, and whack him round the face with the light. Repeatedly.

Edit: Oooh! That was the 666^th post!

Trying not to pass out, I manage to block one of Sir's strikes with the Lancer, cutting his hands off.

Argh! My hands!

At that moment, the Avatar of the Bloody-Handed God springs to life, and comes charging at us from Forge World at full speed, melting Ren's hands off with his flaming sword.

I get the avatar's sword with my teeth, and decapitate Sir with it. I then fall to the ground and die of my injuries.

_{Hmmm... time for a body swap!}

The chainsword finally comes down from the sky, taking off the avatar's head. The chainsword then rests on Ren's body, like a see-saw, with my head on the other side, and the avatar's head flips the chainsword the other way, so my head lands on the avatar's body. Before I die, I grab some superglue from Forge World, and stick my head on. I then pick up my sword and start to do some DAMAGE!

I respawn in a toy store, my hair back intact. But my Lancer is gone.

"Muthafucka stole mah gun. Someone's gonna pay." i say to myself.

I search the toy store, in hopes to find a suitable weapon. But i don't find one. I find four. I walk into the nerf aisle and pick up four swords.

Two of these:

And two of these:

Due to my touch, the swords turn from useless foam material, to cold, hard steel. I holster the small swords (the blue one) on my waist, and the big swords (the black one) on my back. I walk out of the store, preparing myself for what might happen next.

Oh! i almost forgot. Shit's about to go down, so i figure i'd turn on some epic battle music.

I respawn inside a coffee shop and grab a bag full of coffee beans. I load the Lancer and run around the mall, shooting people with coffee beans.

I manage to sneak up to Pm0n3y and say

"You must be asleep. Hey, here's some coffee."

I then proceed to shoot him repeatedly.

I come round the corner and notice Ren3004 shooting Pm0n3y. I slash him in half with m epic sword, sit on Pm0n3y, killing him, and then wait for someone to come round the corner and challenge me.

Possibly with a tank.

What is this? A conveniently placed tank? Oh, well, might as well hop in and load it with coffee beans.

Damn. Killed before i could do any damage. Luckily i respawn not to far from the action. I pull one of my longswords from out of it's sheath, run, jump, and stab Ren's tank, causing it to explode. I run up to SirBS, and kick him in the face.

"Ha! No challenge for you!" I say, running off, laughing like a madman.

I reach down and grab Pm0n3y's crushed corpse, and throw it at himself.

Oh dear lord, the paradox...

Hey wait - nothing's happened to me! Yay!

But Ren - OH MY GOD!

_{You decide what's happened to you in the time paradox, Ren - I can't be bothered ;)}

Luckily, the sound of my tank exploding startles Sir, and due to his massive caffeine overdose, he has a heart attack and dies.

I stop running to see SirBS stuffing Ren into the tank's barrel, Then get a heart attack and die. This fills me with confusion. Didn't i just blow up that tank? Must've been a Time Paradox. I shrug it off and go on about my business.

OH NO!!!

A time paradox.

My head implodes and 10000 baked coffee beans are shot around the mall, killing people.

The caffiene revives me, and I realise that my current body is a hunk of twisted rock now.

I wander around the mall with a wierd walk, and go to the lego shop to find a new one.

I wait for him in the shop then spin round in a swivelly chair, stroking a cat and saying "Velcome to my humble abode"

I then headbutt him and run away laughing like a maniac.

... walking right into my trap.

Cougar trips over a wire and falls into the McDonalds Playplace. Oh, and I replaced the balls with deadly alligators. Have fun, dear.

I die a horrible, horrible death

Then when you think its all over I respawn inside one of the alligators exploding him and showering the surrounding people in entrails. Nice.

Wha-

Anyway, I find a large lego dude, and stick my head on it, then go out.

Seeing as with these hands I can only grip a shovel, I head back to the gardening place.

Oh yeah, and as I was made of rock, you're also suffering from brain damage, Cougar.

Ren3004:
McDonalds!

"Wait, there's a McDonalds in here?!" I say, suddenly filled with glee. All this fighting and respawn has made me hungry. I run to the McDonalds and order a #5 meal with a Sprite.

I wander into the McDonalds wieding a shovel, and use it to pick Pm0n3y up and deep fry him.

Repeatedly.

I then go back to Pm0n3y's table and notice it.

Surely not - it can't be - can it?

It's THE LAST #5 MEAL WITH A SPRITE!

I take it and run off to eat it in Burger King, as I don't like McDonalds - it smells of corpses.

SirBryghtside:

Oh yeah, and as I was made of rock, you're also suffering from brain damage, Cougar.

Too late, I am already at full brain damage capacity

"Sir, you can't eat food from other restaurants in here." I say

"Shut up, I can eat whatever I want."

I then throw hot cooking oil at Sir and suffocate him with mustard packets. Finally, I destroy THE LAST #5 MEAL WITH SPRITE and go back to serving Whoopers.

I blow up BK with concentrated farts, potent stuff methane!

I attempt to break out banging at the doors

Going on Xbox, see ya

My plastic body begins to melt from the hot cooking oil, so I whack Ren round the head with my shovel.

Repeatedly.

Sir's hand falls of, and he finally melts completely.

I wash his remains out of the floor and say

"Is it me or it's HOT in here?"

I respawn in the matchbox store, and get a match, and walk to Burger King in the coolest way possible.

I see Ren in there, drenched in hot cooking oil, and throw the match in.

"Probably just you, Ren," I say, as he scrapes against the door I bolted shut.

Sir decides to take a little nap in the furniture store. In his dreams, he sees a scary figure with a hat and a bladed glove. The man grabs him, and Sir notices his face is covered in burn marks.

He wakes up from the dream and lets out a sigh of relief. Then, a burnt hand grabs his shoulder.

"Remember me?", the man says.

"Ren? NO,it's impossible".

I slit his throat with my glove, cut his skull open and take his brain. Revenge is sweet.

Argh... Respawn...

I respawn in the beer section of the mall, and remember my sister's soul.

I find the non-alchoholic beer bottle, and open it, my sister breaking free.

"Hey, sis," I say.

"Wha- HEY SIS? HEY SIS?!" she screams, cutting my hands off.

"Wha-" I say, confused.

"You stuffed me in a BEER BOTTLE. Have you any idea of the cramps you can get? Anyway, I'm invunerable, so I think I'll just zoom around the mall killing people at inopportune times. HAHAHAHAHA!"

"SIS!" I yell, as she zooms away. I hear someone's scream, sounds like Ren, and my sister's unmistakeable laughter.

_{Yay! I added a plotline!}

A ghost? What the...
Thinking this is a side effect of my recent transformation, I say "Hi".

Then the ghost grabs my throat and pulls out my charred trachea.

"Hey, give that back" I try to say.

After having a go on Halo 3 online i stumble back into the mall unsure about what to do.

I then see a shadowy figure racing towards me flying, i can only make out its a girl. I dive to the side dodging her then run and slide behind a shop counter hiding.

SISTER

I start whistling teddy bear's picnic, but then stop as I smell fresh meat.

"Hahaha!" I giggle. "Come out to play!"

I skip over to grab a chainsaw, and continue giggling while slashing the shop counter to pieces, blood flying everywhere.

MYSELF

I hear screaming from above, and realise what I have done. I've let mad soul loose on the mall.

We are all doomed (moreso than before, if that's even possible).

"Bryghtside, my old foe," I say, respawning in front of him.
"Sam, you fool! Get out of here! Much bigger things are at work!" he replies.
"This is no time to worry about your sister; Worry about yourself!" I yell, flying towards him and engaging him in combat, as the greatest battle theme on earth starts to play.

goes to the zoo (yes some malls have zoos) and rides an elephant through the mall destroying anything in my path

I stand between sam and Sir and say

"Stop, you fools! We need to join our efforts to defeat this new threat."

However, sam doesn't listen to me and I'm forced to stab him in the face.

"So, Sir... will you join me?"