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For longtime GameFAQs forum users, you may remember the titular Mall Fight, the slapstick forum user war inside the neverending mall. For those who have never heard of this, it's a lot of fun. That's why I'm bringing it to the Escapist.

All users are in a giant mall. The mall stretches on forever, and contains any and every store you can think of (with a few notable exceptions). The goal is simple: have fun while doing horrible, horrible things to your fellow users. There are only a couple rules that ensure everyone continues to have a good time.

1. No gun or knife stores, or stores that carry conventional weapons of any kind. If a store would have a weapon section, that section isn't there. It wouldn't be any fun if you could just go pick up a shotgun, now would it? However, going to the plumbing store and building a potato cannon that shoots bowling balls is an allowable, if uncreative, option.

2. No permanent player death. Kill other players in creative ways as much as you want, they don't stay dead. Thus people can keep playing.

3. No leaving the mall. The doors are locked, and the exterior walls are indestructible.

4. Players are still people. You cannot bend steel, throw people through brick walls, and so on and so forth.

Other than that, have fun.

I run into a radio shack and grab all the N-Gages. Then I run into the bathroom.

I run to some stores and grab some supplies:

Tape
Wood
Springs

I then create a makeshift crossbow and hide in a ball-pit, using said balls as ammunition.

In the bathroom, I stick a towel under the door, turn on the sinks, block the overflow, the find a conduit box. I rip out the wiring, and while standing on the sink, drop the live wires into the water.

I then climb out through an air duct.

I go to the stuffed animal section with a trolley, and get as many toy lions into it as possible.

^{can I take my scythe in with me? I don't want to have to leave it by the door...}

i go the food store and grab the cash register, and carry it over my shoulder and prepare to use it as a bludgeoning weapon!

I take my trolley of stuffed lions over to the electronics section of the store, and barricade myself in.

I look up from the ps3 game booth in a gamestop to see people running around and acting stupid. My attention goes back to the ps3.

Once out of the air vent, I head to a hardware store, and get alot of bungie cords.

Right, my prototype is complete. I release my remote controlled lion from the barricade after attaching a camera to it's head.

I guide it through the store until I encounter someone, and then I have it attack them.

I hook my bungie cords up to a rail, and start launching N-Gages at the remote controlled lion. Have at thee!

Guess my prototype needs modifications, if that's all it takes to break it.

I start work on the next lion...

I take their supply of Francium, stick it under some oil, and head for the fountain.

I didn't say I broke it, lol, that's for you to decide. :)

I start launching N-Gages across the mall...

I went to the gadget store and had a thrilling conversation with the clerk about office-top toys. I then bludgeoned him to death with a novelty golf club, oh and then had some ice-cream at the food court

I launch the remote controlled lion Mk.2, and start to move it towards the room containing the security cameras.

I run into the toy department and grab as many Nerf guns as I could possibly get my hands on I then run to a another store and grab a crap load of knives and tie them to the Nerf darts I then grab a piece of fabric and tie it as headband now happy with my new look I saunter down to the food court in the coolest way possible and order a taco.

I finally leave the gamestop to see a mall in complete shambles. I then go back into the gamestop and come out with two novelty halo energy swords. If this place is gonna go to shit, i wanna go out fighting.

The lion reaches the security camera room. He finds a sleeping security guard, and a set of screens. I use the nails I attached to the lion's jaw to bite the throat out of the security guard, then set up the lion to look at the screens, so I can keep an eye on what's going on...

I go and buy a V8 motor from the car dealer and hook it up to my shopping trolley.

I am now tearing around the mall in a super powered shopping cart.

Hells yeah. I've always wanted to do that

i notice a figure, its a weird machine thing, i rush it with my cash register!

I see a....shopping cart....?......whateverIlaunchNGagesatit.

I run into walmart and grab duct tape.

I then go to miss Tiggywinkles and get a lot of ugly dolls and tape them to myself, that way not only do people not want to go near me, I have a form of armour.

I then run across the mall to Toys'R'Us and get a nerf gun and one of those battery controlled cars. I then go to the hobby store and get a bunch of real darts and tape them to the nerf darts.

Now, I can ride around in my little car, fully armored, shooting darts at people, mentionably Azraellod.

I run into a clothing store and grab a trilby hat.

Now that I look awesome, I run into the perfume section, and take out a ligher.

I hastily make for the suit store. I emerge dressed in Victorian era style suit clothing, complete with monocle and top-hat. Considering that I look fucking incredible, I'm free to start barricading myself into a department store (which has food in it as well). I seal off the entrances with the wire fence that comes down from the roof and in addition to that I board it all up with wood and useless clothes so that no-one can see inside.

I go to the hardware section and grab a box of long nails, then I run over to the sports section and ram the nails into a baseball bat. I kill everybody in sight.

My barricades give me enough protection to avoid the darts that are shot at me. I send out the Remote Controlled Lion Mk.3, now with a blowtorch in it's mouth and nails attached to the paws, and attack Asciotes in his car.

I walk out of the candy store, dodging a flying N-gage. I run back in and grab a box of gobstoppers and set them free in the mall, hoping people will trip over them.

I then run back into the store again and start building a fort out of boxes of jelly beans.

i throw my cash register in the candy store, hoping that it hits someone.

Wow, this may well be the best thread ever...

I run into PC World, grab a monitor and smash it over Excitednuke's head.
I then hurry off to a sports shop, grab a spray-can of deodorant, pull my lighter out of my pocket and dare anyone to attack me.

I dodge a flying cash register, but it lands on my foot.
"Ouch!"
I throw a gumball machine back at whoever threw the cash reister at me. And begin building a catapult out of large candy canes and bubblegum.

"Gaah!" The gumball machine misses Excitednuke and hits me in the face. I'm blinded by the broken glass and start going berserk with my makeshift flamethrower, spinning around in a circle while spraying it everywhere.

I look down from the upstairs stores to the bottom floor and see a guy spinning in circles with a homemade flamethrower. I shake my head in disgust. Then a N-Gage lands near my feet. I pick it up and throw it at the lunatic, making him stumble and trip over nearby gobstoppers. I shake my head once again and go on about my business.

I stumble into an office supply store, where I find a swivelly chair and a mop. I then open up a can of office-jousting on some bitches (that is to say, you guys).